Friday, 29 November 2013

A question I don't expect you to answer, though I will eventually tackle someone to the ground and ask them about it!

Does my manner of speaking give the impression that I'm not telling the truth, or at least being insincere?

I've notice sometimes I'll say something, and people will respond as if I was obviously and blatantly lying (as if they think I was being sarcastic or something). I remember I had prepared the altar breads for Mass somewhere, and the priest asked if I'd counted and I think I must have said sure, there are about 60/65 (mainly as I don't trust my counting and tend to take out 2 and then change my mind and put in a few more and thing like that) and from that he took it that I had not counted at all and asked them to be recounted (for the record, my estimates were 1 off!). Another instance, someone said I should try wiping my computer to see if that helps (which is wouldn't, since its clearly a hardware issue) but by chance I'd already wiped it clean about 2 weeks before due to a malfunction - but when I said I had, he replied no you haven't. A third instance, I was talking to someone in sion and they asked about my prayer life, and I said its in a good phase and I feel I'm much more expressive in worship - and they replied without hesitation 'yeah, expressing how you feel' - they'd obviously felt they had noticed something, but they asked me a question which I answered honestly, and they seemed to reject it and assume I had decided not to share with them.

 (on an irrelevant note, this kind of encounter made it difficult to talk to some people, as they seemed closed to hearing from me about my feelings because they seemed to have already planned the conversation they wanted to have. The reason I mention it is so you know who I am better, and can use that as you will. To me this lack of connectiveness, while always being a two-sided issue,made me feel out of place in the community and I felt I wasn't growing there in that environment... Indeed, if I were to have stayed I would have wanted to stay in the house in Brentwood over the Coventry base as its quieter but you get visiting groups there. This seemed to be a possibility but not recommended, though in reality, had I stayed it would have been more practical to be at Brentwood as there would be too many guys to all live in Cov! I don't have a reason to share this, perhaps it helps you envision the internal makeup of Community)

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