Sunday, 3 November 2013

Integrity

This is something I strive towards. Intrgrity of life means to be genuine and honest to everyone, it means in every situation with every group or person you are the same person.

Something that has annoyed me in recent months is a lack of openness within me. It's in small situations where I'm having a bad moment and someone asks if I'm okay that I push them away. Often is because I am ashamed of emotion being a rational male adult, and more to the point the thing that has upset me is usually so minor and irrational that if wouldn't want to talk about it. The other day at the ascent event I was upset that the chairs in the chapel had moved...now I liked the space created and it worked well. I just need s few hours or days even to get on board with it, and I didn't like that it happened right before Mass as I couldn't concentrate well. Last time this happened, I ended up sitting in the sacristy with the door closed during prayer times in the chapel. I feel I am sounding too irrational here, so I will add that I am meant to be on the core team of this particular event, and I was also responsible to co-ordinates liturgy times so felt perhaps slightly usurped.

This morning, I was reminded that at the end of the Ascent weekend we encourage each person in our PoD and when it got me to, each person said I was funny. I like to have that as an attribute. But it's interesting. I don't think I'm funny at home or in the parish community. Is that a lack of integrity? But, it's not that I crack some jokes, people just find my mannerisms and what i say humorous...often when I neither attempt to be humorous nor understand why people are laughing. So I don't know how I feel having this as my defining attribute - a quality I've not worked at, not even sure how to use it! But, on the other hand, is who I am naturally.

Integrity is something I believe one must both actively work at and certainly pray for daily! But I see it as such a fruitful quality. When people see it, it helps them to trust you and actually makes your Christianity come alive and be attractive.

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